Lovesplaining with Evan Marc Katz
Are We Too Different To Make Things Work?

Are We Too Different To Make Things Work?

It depends on whether you're focused on your differences or your similarities.
He has dogs and enjoys different TV shows. They’re doomed.

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost three years. I just turned 50 and was in a horrible marriage to a serial cheater/narcissist up until about 2 months before I met my current boyfriend.

My boyfriend adores me and treats me like a princess yet I feel we are out of alignment in some important areas. He is 53, has never been married, and has no kids. I'm very responsible financially, own a home, have two grown children, and can retire from my college professor job in 7 years.

My boyfriend is a hot mess financially and I think is on a fast track to crash and burn very soon in that area. Sex is so/so but to be fair I'm sure he thinks it's great because I haven't talked about what my needs are. Our hobbies are very different. I come from a large family and he's an only child. I can tell he doesn't enjoy holidays with my family and I always feel pressured to leave earlier than I would like due to that. He drinks and I don't really care to very often. He is 420-friendly and I don't choose that. He has dogs and I have cats. We don't enjoy watching the same things on TV.

I know most of my problem is my own lack of communication about these issues but I'm seriously thinking about breaking up with him rather than trying to discuss the issues due to being conflict-avoidant because of my awful emotionally abusive marriage.

I do love him and he treats me like a princess but I'm not sure if that's enough. How would I even start to discuss these issues since there are so many and I haven't in three years said one thing about any of them?


Dear Anon,

I know another couple who is facing a similar crossroads.

She’s divorced. He’s never married.

She has a big family. He has a small family.

She’s content and always happy. He’s moodier and into personal growth.

She’s a night person. He keeps normal business hours.

She likes watching sitcom reruns. He likes watching Oscar-winning dramas.

She doesn’t like pets. He loves dogs.

She makes a modest income. He makes 5x more.

She eats whatever she wants. He eats healthy.

She believes in God. He’s an atheist.

If it’s not too obvious by now, she is my wife and he is me. (He is I?)

And if you think I’m trying to convince you to stick with your guy, I’m not.

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Lovesplaining with Evan Marc Katz
Are you the woman who has everything except your man? Evan Marc Katz is a dating coach who has specialized in helping smart, strong, successful women since 2003. He has written four books and has been featured in hundreds of media outlets, including Today, the New York Times, and CNN. Since 2015, Evan’s blog has had 35 million readers, his Love U podcast has 2.5 million downloads and 13,000 women from 40 countries have graduated from Love U, his six-month video course that helps women understand men and find love. Evan lives in Los Angeles with his incredibly cool, incredibly patient wife and their two surprisingly funny children..