I HATE Being Single and Just Want to Find My Person

Yes, even attractive women in their 20s think it’s a shit-show.

Dear Evan,

I have been listening to your Love U Podcast religiously for the past 5 months, every day to and from work. I am a huge fan and have found your content extremely helpful. I know you typically cater to women mid 30's and up, and have mentioned before that you do not get many women in their 20's seeking your help.

Well, I am 26 years old, have been single for almost 1.5 years after a 3 year serious relationship that was extremely toxic. I stayed single for a bit and "did the work" and I have been on 10 dates in the past 13 months, with the longest "relationship" only lasting 6 weeks. I HATE being single and cannot stand when people say dating is supposed to be fun, I find it absolutely insufferable. I just want to find my person.

I had such low standards in my last relationship, so I feel I may be over-correcting and my standards may be too high now. I refuse to date anyone under the age of 30 (my range on the apps is 30-36) not only because I typically lean towards older men, but I have it stuck in my head they are more "mature" or marriage/kid minded and financially stable.

I consider myself very conventionally attractive according to societal standards, and have a hard time giving "average" men a chance at all, or really any man for that matter, for fear they are just using me for my looks.

I am wondering if you could offer some advice to women in their 20's trying to date with intention of marriage and kids. I already keep texting to a minimum, try to meet in person sooner rather than later, and have even begrudgingly tried giving guys outside of my "type" a chance.

It feels like the "pool" of age appropriate men who want serious relationships is more like a tiny, muddy puddle. I feel extreme pressure in dating because I know even if I met someone tomorrow, it would take 2-3 years of dating, then at least a year engagement, and I'd still be in my 30's when having kids barring any fertility issues.

Thank you so much for all you do. As much as I want to enroll in Love U, it is just out of my budget right now so your blog/podcasts/Lovesplaining have been a godsend.

With much appreciation,

Laurel

Dear Laurel,

First of all, thanks for your heartfelt letter. You’ve ably articulated how hard it is to be single, without even sharing all the worst details. Don’t worry, I’m here to help validate everything that’s wrong with dating and men:

• Men have infinite options on dating apps.

• Men have nothing to say in their profiles.

• Men have nothing to say in their texts.

• Men will text forever without asking you out.

• Men will disappear in the middle of texting.

• Men don’t ask questions on the date.

• Men try to get sex too quickly.

• Men don’t think sex necessarily involves commitment.

• Men sleep with multiple people simultaneously.

We can go on, but I am conscious of the value of your time.

The point is that dating is fraught. Phones and apps and Gen Z and nonmonogamy only make things worse - or at least more complicated.