Here Come the Female Andrew Tates
Surprise: women using men is no better than men using women.
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Link That Made Me Think
Here Come the Female Andrew Tates by Kat Rosenfield
Years ago, when I was blogging, I found myself in the crosshairs of two very different groups of trolls: women on the far left and men on the far right.
The women on the far left uncharitably thought I was a sexist who wanted women to smile, look pretty, and return to the 1950s. The criticism bounced off me because it was so far from the truth as to be unrecognizable.
The men on the far right uncharitably thought I was a “white knight,” pumping up the self-esteem of successful middle-aged women because everyone knows college-educated American women are too bitter, masculine, and probably past their sell-by date. This, too, is patently ridiculous.
In the midst of this, I wrote an article about the toxicity of these guys and got some useful feedback from the alt-right bros. (Did you know the word “mangina” was an insult akin to the popular word “cuck?” Now, you do!)
Years later, I haven’t spent any time in the feminist blogosphere, nor did I do a deep dive into what happened to the MGTOW (Men Going Their Own Way) movement. (Is the Ukraine conflict hurting their mail-order bride prospects?)
But just when I thought I was out, they pulled me back in! Witness the rise of Andrew Tate - a name I didn’t know until earlier this year.
Tate’s got 7.7 million followers on the app formerly known as Twitter, just for being a handsome former Big Brother contestant who promotes an "ultra-masculine, ultra-luxurious lifestyle.” It all sounds innocent (if somewhat douchey) until you consider that Tate’s also been charged with rape, suspected of human trafficking, and was forming an organized crime group designed to exploit women. So there’s that.
I didn’t think I had anything to say about this until I read Kat Rosenfield’s article about the rise of women who are, for lack of a better term, anti-Tates. Instead of men exploiting women for sex and discarding them, this movement is about women exploiting men for money and discarding them.
Um, progress?
This movement is about women exploiting men for money and discarding them.
Um, progress?
Writes Rosenfield: “The woman who successfully employs these methods isn’t loved; she’s pampered, paid for, and worshipped like the goddess she is. If marriage is mentioned, it’s as a business arrangement, one in which the woman trades her presence — and, if her husband plays his cards right, sex — for being kept in the manner to which she’s accustomed. Men are meant to be milked for all they’re worth and summarily discarded the moment they step out of line. One of the movement’s biggest influencers, Chidera Eggerue, actually got her start as an evangelist for the “dump him” school of feminism, which is exactly what it sounds like. The central thesis is that any relationship which makes demands on a woman’s time, energy, and attention — which is to say, every relationship, ever — is better off terminated so that she can focus on the only thing that truly matters: herself.”
This is the zero-sum game view of romantic relationships.
It posits that love is an illusion, self-sacrifice is a scam, and the only way to play the game is to come out on top. Yet everyone who has ever had a successful relationship knows this is 180 degrees backward.
Sure, there are power dynamics in relationships, but if you’re in a healthy partnership, you have no interest in power dynamics. Your role is not to gain an advantage or game the system in your favor. It’s to be such a selfless partner that the person you love doesn’t ever want to leave.
There’s a reason that “Yes, dear” is just about the best relationship advice around, and it’s not just because it’s easy to remember.
There’s a reason that “Yes, dear” is just about the best relationship advice around, and it’s not just because it’s easy to remember.
My guess is that anyone who engages in these tactics - and earnestly believes them - doesn’t know what a healthy relationship looks and feels like.
These are people for whom everything IS about power and force.
These are people who believe that trust is for suckers.
These are people who believe in the winner-take-all version of the world.
There are places where this is to be expected: Prison. Russia. The Middle East. The Trump White House. But they are not places you’d want to spend much time, much less set up camp for the rest of your life.
Men who believe women are valuable only for sex and women who believe men are only valuable for money are not living in the 21st century.
They’re so petrified of getting hurt or used or heartbroken that they’ve turned away from commitment and towards a kind of “love” that sounds an awful lot like prostitution.
I don’t harbor any anger toward the women who use men for money or the men who use women for sex. They’re pretty easy to spot.
If anything, I just feel bad for them and hope that single people can see through this idea that love is nothing more than a transaction.
On the Love U Podcast
Nice is one of those words that everyone says they value. But when it comes to attraction, more people - men and women - gravitate towards confident, funny, and rich over "nice.”
It's a shame because there aren't too many traits more important to a relationship than nice.
Nice may mean selfless, nice may mean thoughtful, nice may mean "willing to compromise", nice may mean "resolving conflict easily," nice may mean being sensitive to your emotional needs, but without nice, your relationship is sunk.
Recently, I got a few lessons in the value of being nice. I hope it inspires you to go the extra mile to be nice to strangers and loved ones alike.
Click here to listen to “The Value of Being Nice.”
My Not-So-Viral Social Media Post of the Week
Every relationship you’ve ever had was good at the beginning. And if you’re single, every relationship you’ve ever had eventually fell apart.
Instead of spending years trying to recapture the magic of the honeymoon period, pay attention to how he makes you feel over time.
Do you have a dating question? A dissent? A screenshot of a guy’s text message? A dating profile you want to write to? A Honey Shot? Click here, comment below, or email me at questions@evanmarckatz.com and I’ll respond in a future Lovesplaining.
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Evan, you are one of the smartest guys I know and love everything about you. I’ve never disliked an article until now.
I know this article is not about Andrew Tate but I feel the need to comment. I’m not at all impressed by rich flashy egotistical men who are all over social media but did you even listen to Tate’s 2+ hour interview on Twitter with Tucker Carlson? Please don’t be like the mainstream media who spread lies about many people. You are joining them by accusing and slandering another human being without all the information.
And on a side note, Tate actually stands for many good character traits that young men lack today. His interview sparked a great conversation with my teenage boys on the men they want to be which is not encouraged in today’s culture.
Keep up the great writing and solid advice. We need you!!!
Here is the interview…
https://twitter.com/TuckerCarlson/status/1678873144201818115?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw%7Ctwcamp%5Etweetembed%7Ctwterm%5E1678873144201818115%7Ctwgr%5Ef7911f88409d1a04258f96009b323a95b6f95c67%7Ctwcon%5Es1_c10&ref_url=https%3A%2F%2Ftuckercarlson.com%2F
Have you looked at the "female dating strategy" phenomenon? It's similar but not quite the same (they seem to want longterm relationsihps but have very strict ideas about who is "worth" that type of investment).