I Want to Quit Dating

Hi, Evan,

So, it appears that the few guys I've met online who suggested a date never materialized into a date. They just stopped communicating with me. I have no idea why. I thought the conversations went well, and they all suggested we meet or continue communication. And I agreed with what I thought was a positive, encouraging attitude. Then crickets.

I also admit that I have not put in the time required to have a robust funnel of men. I find the activity dull and frustrating, and I struggle to get myself to do it. When I am honest with myself, I think that although I would like to fall in love with a great guy and have the experience of a healthy, loving relationship, my behavior says it's not important enough for me that I'm willing to go through the suffering of the process of finding one.

I also admit that deep down, I suspect that I'm not willing to risk the heartache of becoming attached to someone again only to have my heart broken again. My life is good. The only part of my life right now that makes me sad is trying to find a man to love in a relationship.

I am grateful to have learned from you how to deal with men and a lot of questions about what to do have been answered. But I just don't believe that I want it badly enough to put myself through the pain of the search.

Or maybe I'm just so afraid to be hurt again that I won't allow it to work. Either way, that's where I am. Thanks

Robin

Dear Robin,

Thanks for the long, heartfelt email.

You said a bunch of wise things in it, chiefly:

• “I'm not willing to risk the heartache of becoming attached to someone again only to have my heart broken again.”

• “I just don't believe that I want it badly enough to put myself through the pain of the search.”

• “I'm just so afraid to be hurt again that I won't allow it to work.”