The following question comes from my Love U client, Dahlia. Brief background: she’s in her early 60s and suffered through a horrible 25-year marriage with no love, attention, or affection. She hired me to help her choose better men and be the best version of herself in dating. We’ve been working together since April.
Dear Evan,
I can't do it.
I spent my 27-year marriage hoping that my Beta husband would step up. Would be the backstop. Would be able to support the household, even when I was working. Would be there for me emotionally. Would be by my side when I was sick to the point that the social worker was called in to explain to him that his job was not an excuse for him to not "take care" of me while I was hospitalized for 5+ weeks.
Recently, I’ve had some Beta dates. I am trying. NOPE! Can’t do it. I want someone else to plan. I want to try his hobbies. I want to experience his favorite vacation spots. I want to go to his favorite restaurants. If men know they need to "put on the show," I need to see "the show."
So far these are the men I have attracted:
One Beta man looking to have a woman who is his entertainment and the interesting "thing" in his life. These guys are introverted and their lifestyle is a GIGANTIC bore, etc. And I'm not here to be his cheerleader or life coach to help him "pick up the pace" and join the game of life!!!
Three Alphas in their 60s expect me to sleep with them the first night, spend the night on their boat, or drop everything because they have a house in Cabo. Unreal!
I'm on a giant rant/vent. Probably more than anything, I know that I will have fewer choices because I don't want a Beta guy.
I am utterly shocked that men in their 60s act NO DIFFERENTLY than men in their 30s and 40's thinking they are hot shit and women will sleep with them immediately. WTAF!
When will Alpha men want a monogamous life partner? WOW, I thought it would be in their 60's...but nope!
Dahlia
Dear Dahlia,
I’m sorry you’re going through this and I hope it feels good to vent.
It’s not that your complaints are invalid.
They are. There’s a bunch of men who are too milquetoast to be appealing and just as many men who are too selfish to be good partners.
My advice: don’t date those men.
The real reason I’m sharing your post is because it reveals a few blind spots that may be impeding your quest to find a compatible partner: black/white thinking and internal contradictions. Here’s how:
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