The Golden Bachelor Is The Reality Show You've Been Waiting For
Reality is: we get better with age
The premise of The Bachelor is preposterous. Consider:
Me: I want to introduce you to a brand-new dating app.
You: Ooh, sounds juicy. Tell me more!
Me: The good news is that it has handsome, marriage-oriented guys.
You: Great!
Me: The bad news is that there’s only one of them.
You: One?
Me: Yes.
You: You’re putting me on a dating app with only ONE guy?
Me: Yes.
You: You can’t be serious.
Me: I am. But I promise: no matter who he is, you’ll fall in love with him!
You: You’re handing me one man and guaranteeing me, sight unseen, that whoever he is, I’ll fall in love with him?
Me: Yes. But you’re competing against 30 other women.
You: Let me get this straight: I’m going on a dating site with one guy that I didn’t choose, I’m competing against 30 other women—
Me: —GORGEOUS women
You: GORGEOUS women. And no matter what he’s like - whether or not he’s funny or intellectually curious or likes giving oral sex - I’m expected to fall in love with him.
Me: And get engaged to him. On TV. In the next six weeks.
You: (hangs up)
Yet despite - or maybe because of - this patently absurd premise, The Bachelor is a reality show institution with multiple spinoffs, including The Bachelorette and Bachelor in Paradise.
I’ll admit: prior to now, I only watched the very first season in 2002.
This is not to deny the guilty pleasure of the rose ceremonies. the hometown visits, and the “You’re not here for the right reasons” speeches.
This is only to say that The Bachelor is a bit too much like my day job for me. I would assume emergency room doctors didn’t watch E.R. either.
To me, The Bachelor is a helpful reminder that there are many attractive people who don’t understand the meaning of love. They think it’s about the mansion, the helicopter rides, and the chemistry created in these perfect courtship rituals, when, in fact, none of that explains why certain marriages last forever. The fact that there’s only one couple left from the first 25 seasons verifies that young people should not choose a spouse in 6 weeks.
This is why I found myself curious about The Golden Bachelor. Unlike the original, which showcases singles 25-30, this one features a 72-year-old retired restauranteur and widower from Indiana named Gerry Turner.
It’s a COMPLETELY different show. Same exact Bachelor format + mature adults who have loved and lost and want to love again = reality TV gold.
It’s the producers’ job to make everyone look good - especially The Bachelor - but on this show, there are no villains. No women in tiny bikinis. No screaming takedowns. The Golden Bachelor is all about vulnerability.
Teresa lost her sweetheart after 42 years and is nervous on her first date.
Nancy puts on a wedding dress as a costume and cries at the reminder of her original wedding.
Joan has no talent for the talent show but writes a silly poem that gets her an ovation from even her competitors.
Naturally, some same cringe-worthy elements remain.
Many women act like needy interns instead of confident CEOs, throwing themselves at Gerry and forcefully explaining why they’re right for him.
At least 3 women tell Gerry they’re falling in love with him in a desperate attempt to secure a hometown date.
But when you contrast The Golden Bachelor to Bachelor in Paradise, with its body paint, dry humping, and sharp verbal putdowns, it’s refreshing.
Gerry is the anchor of this show. I can’t compare him to the hunky 30-year-olds from past seasons, but in my opinion, he looks like Mitt Romney and charms like Bill Clinton. He holds eye contact. He listens intently. He feels your pain. He understands your fears.
It’s not an act.
He holds eye contact. He listens intently. He feels your pain. He understands your fears.
It’s not an act.
This guy - having lost the love of his life - knows what it’s like to start over and be vulnerable. He demonstrates it with each heartfelt conversation where women tell their stories and Gerry’s eyes well with tears.
I ate it up - and so did the women on the show.
We can quibble that the Golden Bachelor kisses everybody and has feelings for everybody, but that’s the nature of the show.
We can quibble that one can feel a connection with anyone when you’re drinking wine in a hot tub on a yacht, but that’s the nature of the show.
We can quibble that the final three women were the most conventionally attractive/sexy, but that’s the nature of the show.
As of last night’s cliffhanger, there are three women left with one final episode. I, for one, will be watching.
The Golden Bachelor - more than other seasons - is a life-affirming reminder that love is a uniquely powerful force, no matter how old you are.
It’s worth it to put yourself out there.
It’s worth it to lead with warmth, trust, and vulnerability.
It’s worth it to try, and to feel, and to care, and to remember what it’s like to get excited again, even if there’s no guarantee things will work out.
It’s worth it to remember that the guy you’re seeing is NOT the last man on Earth and that there’s ALWAYS another man who can make you happy.
If that resonates, you can catch the final Golden Bachelor next Thursday on ABC, Hulu or YouTube TV - and maybe binge the 6 episodes that came first.
Better yet, reach out to me to discover how to attract and select a quality man from thousands of men in your area (not just one!)
P.S. Here’s my personal take on reality TV and why I generally don’t watch it:
In my former life, I was a Top 3 finalist on Project Greenlight with Matt Damon and Ben Affleck.
When I watched the one episode I was in, I could see the editing it takes to create the desired narrative. Dozens of hours of footage are left on the cutting room floor to create a half-hour episode, leaving you with only a few lines to tell your own story.
It’s a version of the truth; it’s not the truth.
Then there’s my personal experience in reality TV as a dating coach. Indeed, it was very much like dating. Lots of potential, lots of disappointment.
I pitched a show to every network called “Why You’re Still Single” when my second book came out in 2006.
I came in second for Tough Love casting on VH1 and tested with Debbie Matenopolous for a different show produced by the Queer Eye team.
I had breakfast with a Millionaire Matchmaker producer who told me that if I wanted to be famous, I needed to have cameras in my house all the time.
Every year, I get a call from someone in Hollywood who wants to develop a TV show with me, and when I tell them my vision - taking 6 women through Love U over 6 months and watching them grow - they pass because it’s not enough of a hook. Naked dating is a hook. Blind dating is a hook. Indian dating is a hook. Smart, successful women over 40 gaining confidence in their ability to trust their own judgment and live happily ever is NOT a hook.
I’m hoping the success of The Golden Bachelor changes their minds.
Young people are still hot. Drama is still juicy. But there’s something to a dating show with people over 40 that just feels REAL.
That’s the only show I want to be a part of.
What I Got Wrong
Evan, I love your work, yet the idea that there are good men who pursue a good woman doesn’t exist. They are 1 in a million, maybe 2-5 million at that. There’s too much societal pressure to take from the cookie jar. To go on to the next woman who will have sex (or at least go to 3rd base) with them on the first date.
That’s biology, unfortunately.
Have you thought about starting to coach men? We need a good coach who can help men understand their biology and think with their head not their (other) head.
Jane
To validate Jane’s perspective:
Yes, men, filled with testosterone, have a different biological imperative and different beliefs around sex.
Yes, online dating gives men (and women) infinite options, which makes focusing on one person that much more challenging.
Yes, there are a number of clueless, selfish, below-average men who are incapable of being healthy, long-term partners.
But look at her limiting belief: only one in a MILLION single men are good. Yep, there are only 50 of them left in the U.S.A.! Get ‘em while they’re hot!
Jane is - unfortunately - focused on what’s wrong with men. But the only thing she can change is her beliefs, actions, and reactions - not men.
Choose better men and you won’t spend any time wondering what’s wrong with the opposite sex. I promise.
You Can Also See Me On…
Helena Hart is a dating coach with a good social media following and I was honored to appear on her Master Your Magnetism podcast last week.
We covered a lot of ground, notably, why should never wait for a man who isn’t making a concerted effort to become your boyfriend. It’s worth a listen.
You HAVE to Check Out…
TV - The Morning Show - Yes, it’s a melodramatic, news-driven soap opera that overplays its hand, much like Aaron Sorkin’s Newsroom. But Jen and Reese are so good and the production value is so high that I don’t really mind. Plus, Billy Crudup’s character is wickedly funny.
Movies - Old Dads - Bill Burr isn’t for everybody, that’s for sure, but if you’re a fan of his cranky comedy, his portrayal of middle-aged men who are out of step with the times resonates. While Burr is too rageful by 50%, as a fellow member of Gen X, I agree that our society can stand to be a little less fragile.
Substack - The Stories We Tell Ourselves - Nedra Glover Tawwab - this author also has a popular Substack. In the linked post, she shares why having a victim mentality is so pernicious. If everyone else is always the problem, you can never solve your own issues - you’re just doomed to be victimized, over and over again.
The Honey Shot
Amanda joined Love U during the pandemic in November 2020.
Now, she’s engaged.
Do you have a dating question? A dissent? A screenshot of a guy’s text? A Honey Shot? Email me at questions@evanmarckatz.com or click the button below and I’ll respond in a future Lovesplaining.
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I just love this piece, Evan ❤️Thank you! You offer some beautiful optimism here. Much appreciated!