Why I’m Changing the Way I Do Everything

And why you should listen to your heart, too.

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I’ve got a saying in Love U: give up your dream to achieve your dream.

What that means is that, if the thing you’re pursuing isn’t making you happy, you may want to pivot and pursue something else.

This is a lesson that takes a long time to learn. You give it your all, you see glimpses of hope, you have just enough success to keep going, and the next thing you know, you’ve squandered a decade feeling disconnected and dissatisfied. 

The first dream I gave up was my screenwriting career. I loved writing scripts that made people laugh. I loved winning contests and meeting studios and network executives. I loved the creative process I had with my writing partner. I didn’t like being a depressed, unemployed 29-year-old man who couldn’t make a living after a decade. 

The second dream I gave up was my image of the perfect partner. I knew what I was attracted to. I knew what I thought I deserved. I wasn’t going to settle. And if there was a top chef/supermodel/Rhodes Scholar anywhere in the greater Los Angeles area, I was going to find her. A decade and 300 dates later, I came to realize that what I thought I wanted and what made me happy were two different things. 

You know what happened when I gave up both of those dreams?

1. I became a successful dating coach. 

2. I got happily married. 

And I am FAR happier than I would have been had I not given up my original dreams.

The reason I’m writing today is that there’s one more dream I’ve been pursuing for a decade: the dream of having MORE. It’s the same affliction I had before, except this time I had greater reason to believe I could achieve it.

I had a blog that got over 35 million readers. I coached thousands of women into relationships. I watched over the past 10 years as other people flooded into the field and achieved social media fame. Countless dating influencers and podcasters who have millions of fans but no actual coaching clients.

I grew envious. I tried to compete. And frankly, I’m tired of it. 

You’ve heard me say that the biggest problem facing people today is this feeling of being burned out from all the information available online. I’m on every social media platform. I subscribe to 25 podcasts and 50 Substack newsletters. I’m on my phone for 5 hours a day. And while it’s giving me more information, it is not bringing me more joy. 

Recently, I was reminded of what DID bring me joy: 

• Taking 11 clients and my wife to Mexico on a 4-day retreat with great conversation, life-changing breakthroughs, and deeper relationships. 

  

  My clients made me a photo album!

• Going to my 30th college reunion and reconnecting with old friends.

I came back to work energized in May, only to discover that I was spending more time creating content and managing my team than I was talking to actual clients. Well, today, that’s changing in a big way.

I’m returning to my roots from 20 years ago, when it was all about people and relationships and tangible breakthroughs that lead to lasting love. 

Here’s what this means for me:

1. I’m taking a creative pause. I grew up with my father’s work ethic. Go to work. Sit in front of the computer for 9 hours a day. Make something happen. What I ignored was that I’m an extrovert living an introverted life. This summer, that’s going to change. Instead of spending all day inside, I’m going to spend more time hanging out with friends, taking weekend vacations, helping my son practice basketball, helping my daughter write her first screenplay, and cooking dinner for my wife. This will be the first time I’m not working full-time since I started. I can’t wait.

2. I’m going to stop charging for Substack. I’ve already suspended new subscriptions, but I’m announcing the cessation of renewals today so you know you won’t be charged any further. Why stop now? Well, as I said on Day 1, this was a passion project. I gave it 8 months. But if I’m craving more connection, I’d rather spend the same five hours a week coaching women like you. If you enjoy my work, I will still post for free on Substack, my blog, and, especially, my Love U Podcast.

3. After my break, I’m pivoting the way I run my business and going back to more coaching. The economy is rough. People are scared. Scared to continue doing the same thing. Scared to try something new. Living in anxiety about how hopeless it all seems. Well, I’m done with fear and paralysis. I became a dating coach and got happy. I got married and got happy. Now, I’m getting happy by reinventing my work life and helping motivated and coachable women achieve their deepest dreams.

In other words, I’m excited. I hope you are, too.

Here are two reasons this is great for you:

1. I’m going to be rejuvenated when I return and I predict my podcast and YouTube channel will have more long-form content to allow me to share more, connect with you more, and help you date with joy and confidence.

2. I’m going to change my coaching offerings. If you thought it was impossible to work with me in the past, there will be more options in the future.

I thank you for reading, for your questions, and for your engagement in this community. Again, if you like it here, take my short quiz to get on my regular mailing list, and I will be in touch regularly to support you.

Warmest wishes and much love,

Evan

P.S. Finally, if you’re in pain and want coaching over the summer, I will be taking clients on a very limited basis. You can apply through my website.