Why Taylor Swift's Relationship with Travis Kelce is Doomed
Then again, most celebrity couples are doomed, too.
Taylor Swift is dating Travis Kelce.
Taylor Swift will not live happily ever after with Travis Kelce.
If this seems as if I’m a Taylor hater, that couldn’t be further from the case.
My clients are like Taylor Swift - smart, strong, successful women who have everything but the guy. If anyone wants America’s #1 star to succeed in love, it’s me. Alas, these two tall, gorgeous, rich celebrities with no glaring character defects are bound to be a short-lived phenomenon. Here’s why:
1. Most relationships are doomed.
If you were to predict that the sun will rise tomorrow or that water will boil at 212 degrees, no one would argue. There’s a 100% chance of that being true.
If you were to predict that your plane will land safely or that you won’t be hit by lightning, few would argue. There’s a 99.9% chance of that being true.
If you were to predict that the next guy you swipe right on is your future husband, there’s a 99% chance of that being FALSE.
If you were to predict that the next guy you swipe right on is your future husband, there’s a 99% chance of that being FALSE.
That’s not a pessimistic attitude, just a realistic one. Walk into a mall. Step on a subway. Go on a dating app. Most men are NOT your guy - and that’s okay.
If finding your person was that easy, you’d be married to your high-school boyfriend, your college boyfriend, your crush from work, the guy who was the best sex of your life, the guy who just wasn’t ready for commitment, the hot selfish guy, or the nice guy you just weren’t attracted to.
You’re not.
The idea that “most men aren’t right for you” is so important that I created a term for it in Love U: short-term pessimism/long-term optimism.
Short-term pessimism means not to expect anything from any given man - no matter how cute, smart, rich, or interesting he might be.
Long-term optimism means that, eventually, if you learn from your mistakes and date consistently, you will find a man who loves you unconditionally.
But if you were in the prediction business, one of the safest bets would be that the next man you like is probably not the one you’ll grow old with.
2. Celebrity relationships are famously doomed.
We could go on, of course, but you get the idea. Relationships are tricky enough. Celebrity relationships are notoriously unstable.
There’s intense public scrutiny, which adds additional stress to an already famous couple trying to maintain a level of privacy.
There’s a high-pressure environment of being a celebrity with demanding work commitments, competition, and maintaining a public image.
There’s the temptation of being around a lot of other gorgeous, famous people, especially when traveling for work. This can lead to rumors, jealousy, and suspicion, which can easily erode trust in couples.
There are disparities in both money and fame that can lead to power imbalances and conflict. If one person’s career is going better, and the other person has to plan their life around his/her partner, things can go awry.
Are there any good examples of famous people who have enviable marriages? Yes. The ones who didn’t marry other famous people.
Are there any good examples of famous people who have enviable marriages? Yes. The ones who didn’t marry other famous people.
Compare Matt Damon’s love life to Ben Affleck’s love life.
Matt’s been married to Luciana Barrasso for twenty years. Ben’s been with Gwyneth, Jennifer Garner, Ana de Armas, and JLo (twice).
Compare Lisa Kudrow’s love life to Jennifer Aniston’s love life.
Lisa’s been married to Michel Stern since 1995. Jen’s been with Brad Pitt, Vince Vaughn, John Mayer, and Justin Theroux.
Compare Julia Roberts’ love life to Meg Ryan’s love life.
Julia’s been married to Danny Moder since 2002 (after a brief marriage to celebrity Lyle Lovett). Meg’s been with Dennis Quaid, Russell Crowe, and John Mellencamp.
You don’t have to be a dating and relationship coach to notice a pattern here.
I can see why celebrities pair up with other celebrities: they’re gorgeous, charismatic, wealthy, and travel in the same circles. And really, who else can understand what it’s like to have that much fame and fortune? But that doesn’t mean that celebrity + celebrity is a good long-term relationship model. In fact, the main reason celebrity couples are doomed is this:
3. Celebrity relationships are not built to last.
A garden needs water to grow. If you fail to water it because you get busy, it doesn’t matter if you have the best soil and fertilizer. Your garden is going to wither.
A relationship is like a garden. Quality time is the water it needs to thrive.
So while two celebrities may share a connection that is real, deep, and passionate, that doesn’t mean they’re going to be a long-term success.
They may be good people. They may have the best intentions. They may want to create a lasting relationship. Unfortunately, their lives aren’t built for it.
It is not casting aspersions on Taylor Swift to point out that her Eras Tour goes from March 18, 2023, to November 23, 2024, and includes 146 concerts.
It is not casting aspersions on Taylor Swift to point out that if she’s in Brazil, Japan, Australia, Singapore, France, Sweden, Portugal, Spain, England, Ireland, Switzerland, Germany, Italy, Poland, and Austria for the first 8 months of 2024, it could minimize the amount of time she can see her partner.
It is not casting aspersions on Taylor Swift to point out that when she returns from the European leg of her tour in August of 2024, Travis Kelce will be beginning HIS season, which lasts until January, 2025.
Good luck with that.
Is it possible that these two crazy kids can make it? Sure. Anything is possible. But generally, when you see a famous couple who stays together for 40 years, it’s because the woman took a backseat to the man’s career (I am NOT advocating this; I am merely pointing it out!)
Tom Hanks/Rita Wilson, Paul Newman/Joanne Woodward, Mel Brooks/Anne Bancroft, Steven Spielberg/Kate Capshaw. You get the drift.
The existence of power couples doesn’t change the narrative. The most prominent are marked by infidelity like Beyonce and Jay Z, Bill and Hillary Clinton, and Jada Pinkett and Will Smith, where, at this point, they seem more like business arrangements than couples you want to emulate.
The Secret to Successful Relationships
There’s a cost to greatness. Elon Musk and Jeff Bezos work 100 hours a week. Michael Jordan, Kobe Bryant, and Tiger Woods were famously obsessed with winning. Do you know what all of these men have in common? Infidelity and incredibly expensive divorces.
I’m no Elon Musk or Michael Jordan or Taylor Swift. I’ll never have the fame or fortune (or talent or drive) to build and maintain an empire.
What I do have is a healthy work/life balance and a happy marriage.
I don’t work nights. I don’t work weekends. I don’t travel for work. I walk the dog every morning. I have dinner with my kids every night. I never miss a soccer game or a school play. I have date night every Friday.
I’ve seen the costs of workaholism, travel, and putting career over relationships - which is why I choose not to do it. Putting work ahead of love has an astoundingly bad track record.
Look at your life. Is it built for love? Do you work late? Do you travel more than 10 weeks a year? Do you fill up every second of your time with hobbies as opposed to dating? Do you live far away from your partner?
Look at the men you choose. Are their lives built for love? Do they work late? Do they travel more than 10 weeks a year? Do they fill up every second of their time with hobbies? Do they live far away from you?
If your life isn’t built for love, you could be the greatest catch on Earth and still not be able to sustain a long-term relationship.
The greatest gift you can give is your time.
We all have a finite amount of it.
The more you give, the more love thrives.
The less you give, the more it dies.
If that’s true for you, then it’s true for Taylor Swift, too.
What I Got Wrong
“I was listening to your Love U Podcast and was surprised to hear several negative comments about right-wing conservatism. You also chose Trump as an example of narcissistic personality disorder. You add political clutter to your message. This is not helpful. I don’t need to hate Trump just so I can appreciate your advice. You lose a large portion of your subscribers with these remarks. You are saying that your love advice is for liberal women only. Can anyone afford to be that selective?”
This is a fair complaint, in that nobody wants to hear her point of view attacked. Since I am a dating writer, why even bring up anything political? It’s true: it doesn’t help to alienate anyone who just wants help making better relationship choices. Then again, I have to respond to these two points:
a. Your belief that “I lose a large portion of my subscribers with these remarks.” Actually, I don’t. My clients tend to be college-educated, six-figure-earning women in big cities: New York, San Francisco, Los Angeles, Austin, Chicago, Seattle, etc. I do have conservative clients - including Trump voters - but they tend to be in the minority.
b. When you say “Your love advice is for liberal women only,” I believe my clients are smarter than that. Sound advice is sound advice, regardless of my personal beliefs. Can I still help you and think Trump is bad for democracy? I think so. But ultimately, that’s up to you.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
You Can Also See Me On…
Soul-Shaking Love
Valerie Greene interviews dating coaches. Lots of ‘em. As the OG dating coach, I was flattered to be invited to share my two cents.
In this episode, she and I talk about how women do more personal growth work and why it’s (seemingly) so hard to find a quality man. I hope you enjoy.
You HAVE to Check Out…
TV - Modern Family - No, it’s not current. But yes, I’m watching 2-3 episodes with my kids every night after dinner before they go to sleep. Few shows have more belly laughs, throwaway jokes, and family-oriented sentimentality. And we all find it striking how much my wife acts like Claire, which is fun.
Movies - Zombieland - I’m not a horror movie guy or a zombie guy. (Honestly, I don’t even understand those who are really into zombies) But I will always make time for an action movie with humor. Think Shaun of the Dead or even Lethal Weapon.
Substack - Should You Put Your Marriage Before Your Career? - Jill Filipovic - Jill is an incredibly nuanced writer who takes the smart both/and approach to this topic. Yes, build a career and be financially independent, and ALSO make love a priority. She says it a lot better than I did right there. (FYI, this article is behind a paywall)
The Honey Shot
At our new boat dock! We are building a lake house!
Jan Glickman Toor
Jan is a Love U graduate who shares her wisdom in our private Facebook group. It thrills me to see her living out her dreams.
Do you have a dating question? A dissent? A screenshot of a guy’s text message? A Honey Shot? Email me at questions@evanmarckatz.com or click the button below and I’ll respond in a future Lovesplaining.
Thanks for being part of my Love Universe!
Follow Me and Spread the Love
Subscribe to the Love U Podcast
Search My Blog (1000 Questions Answered)
Discover the Best Books on Dating
Facts for sure but it still isn't going to stop me for rooting for them! ;)
Hasn’t exactly aged well…