I’m so pro-taking care of my boyfriend. In a happy relationship where he’s being masculine and taking care of me in leading and supporting me, I’m very happy to put my to show him I love him by serving him. I make my female friends food and take care of them all the time. Why would I not do so for a boyfriend, who is serving and loving me in more ways than just a friend? Love is mutual sacrifice, care, and service. And men and women can serve and need serving in different ways.
Therein lies the irony. I have a feeling that most women feel more comfortable in nurturing their female friends but have been taught that doing the same to men is unacceptable. I may be mistaken - I am, after all, a man - but women are so kind to other women and often don't think to be that way with their romantic partners.
Struggling to see the issue with the female friend dinner. It feels wrong to control your partner based on your own insecurities. I also dislike this distrust of other women. I think it is dehumanizing to the other woman.
What if the girlfriend didn’t want Evan to go to a baseball game with a friend because she had childhood trauma around baseball? Would that be insensitive?
Also, how is "Quinn" an idiot for trusting her boyfriend? Her boyfriend is the idiot. What would have been the alternative? Let's say she didn't trust him and forbade him to spend time with other women? Nothing changes. She's still with that guy. I find it hard to believe he would miraculously be a trustworthy guy if she DIDN'T trust him. ?
Doesn’t full trust also require you to trust her intentions and motivations in asking you not to go to dinner with another woman? I suspect that if a similar situation arose today and she told you she was not comfortable with your having dinner with a particular woman, you would choose a different course. Based on what you have said about your wife and your relationship, I can’t imagine a specific situation, but I still believe you would take her feelings and instincts into account if such a case were to arise.
My father NEVER did for me any of these things you mentioned. 😢 I do think though that even women who had normal childhoods and normal fathers need these things in a relationship - while I need them even more. Likewise, I find it absolutely reasonable for a man to want a woman to have this nurturing side towards him. But the ways through which a woman and a mother (or a man and a father!) go about these nurturing acts are VERY different. The way your friend’s ex-boyfriend phrased it makes his wish sound sick and creepy… 😅 So I guess it all comes down to whether we’re talking about healthy nurturing acts between a couple or unhealthy relational patterns.
I’m so pro-taking care of my boyfriend. In a happy relationship where he’s being masculine and taking care of me in leading and supporting me, I’m very happy to put my to show him I love him by serving him. I make my female friends food and take care of them all the time. Why would I not do so for a boyfriend, who is serving and loving me in more ways than just a friend? Love is mutual sacrifice, care, and service. And men and women can serve and need serving in different ways.
Therein lies the irony. I have a feeling that most women feel more comfortable in nurturing their female friends but have been taught that doing the same to men is unacceptable. I may be mistaken - I am, after all, a man - but women are so kind to other women and often don't think to be that way with their romantic partners.
Struggling to see the issue with the female friend dinner. It feels wrong to control your partner based on your own insecurities. I also dislike this distrust of other women. I think it is dehumanizing to the other woman.
What if the girlfriend didn’t want Evan to go to a baseball game with a friend because she had childhood trauma around baseball? Would that be insensitive?
Also, how is "Quinn" an idiot for trusting her boyfriend? Her boyfriend is the idiot. What would have been the alternative? Let's say she didn't trust him and forbade him to spend time with other women? Nothing changes. She's still with that guy. I find it hard to believe he would miraculously be a trustworthy guy if she DIDN'T trust him. ?
I largely agree. I think when you've been burned by trusting, the pendulum swings to the other side and turns into an overcorrection of not trusting.
Doesn’t full trust also require you to trust her intentions and motivations in asking you not to go to dinner with another woman? I suspect that if a similar situation arose today and she told you she was not comfortable with your having dinner with a particular woman, you would choose a different course. Based on what you have said about your wife and your relationship, I can’t imagine a specific situation, but I still believe you would take her feelings and instincts into account if such a case were to arise.
My father NEVER did for me any of these things you mentioned. 😢 I do think though that even women who had normal childhoods and normal fathers need these things in a relationship - while I need them even more. Likewise, I find it absolutely reasonable for a man to want a woman to have this nurturing side towards him. But the ways through which a woman and a mother (or a man and a father!) go about these nurturing acts are VERY different. The way your friend’s ex-boyfriend phrased it makes his wish sound sick and creepy… 😅 So I guess it all comes down to whether we’re talking about healthy nurturing acts between a couple or unhealthy relational patterns.