I find this really depressing. Maybe I’m in denial but I feel like at 51 I still get attention from men. Maybe not as much as 20 years ago, but I still get the car honks, the cat calls, men talking to me in the grocery store or in the street. Maybe it’s the culture where I live? Not sure. My ego has taken a serious blow lately since I had a double mastectomy last fall and reconstruction has not been going well and has been a very slow process. I also gained weight during all this, and I am feeling way less confident in how I look, and my looks have always been something I take pride in, deservedly or not. However, I am still getting some guys’ attention at least. Not sure if it just means they would be dtf, or if they would “move mountains” for me as described in the article. I don’t know how I’ll do online because I have not been online since I was 47. I am a physically fit woman, and I like physically fit men. I used to feel relieved to look at my most recent boyfriend because he had nice muscles and was fit and trim and I was really attracted to his body. I always had this feeling like, “thank god I got one who looks good to me.” It was a major sense of relief, but then he turned out to be a total jerk, a liar, and a cheater. It makes me sad to think I’ll have to settle for some saggy old dude who doesn’t work out. I think I might just wait and be single, to tell the truth. I have tried to be with men who I was on the fence about physically, and it was not satisfying to me, regardless of how great a personality and heart he had. I guess I’ll see what happens when i go back online in a few weeks. I just don’t think it should be too much to ask that I find a guy who likes me who also works out and takes care of his body, even in his 50’s and beyond. Sorry about the kind of rambling post, but I have a lot of thoughts about this.
Agreed! Not sure the intention of the article. We get it. As we age, according to the graph, we are less desirable. Ya know… I will be turning 70 in May… 70 wasn’t even on the graph!😂🤦♀️ Thankfully these graphs and statistics don’t affect my beliefs and experiences about my desirability.
That’s really depressing - well most of us know that already. So I guess men have all the power to choose from the tender age of 35 upwards… and if you are online dating (which I was) all the 50 something and 60 something guys are hitting on 40 something old gals. Well there are always exceptions… coz women do look after themselves a lot more than men so dating pool might not be totally hopeless.
I think that the demographic tragedy women end up having to deal with as they age has less to do with looks than it may appear. When I was in my 20s, I was either saying no to men who were good and interested but terribly immature and clumsy or wasting years on two men who were so wrong and bad for me I feel traumatized and shamed just remembering them. In my 30s I met an amazing man with whom I had a long and outstanding relationship. But he is much older than me. His life moment, health issues and wish to not have children all became a problem. I’m having the hardest time letting go of him, because as much as I want a man my age (or 5/7 years older maximum), I often doubt whether I will ever be that safe, heard and understood again - especially by someone younger, from a generation that doesn’t seem to be as keen on the idea of really taking care of a woman.
Today, at age 40, I feel and see that the moment you turn 35 to 38 years old, the men your age who are marriage and family-oriented are practically all taken. Either you find your person and get married by that phase, or you’re basically f****d. Divorced men and widowers only show up in relevant numbers after 50/55/60 - and bring other, specific problems.
So, to sum it up… I feel and look younger. I feel desirable. I am fit. I am energetic. Nothing in my body hurts. But I am in demographic hell - and while that certainly sucks a lot less than feeling invisible, it still sucks big time. I’m doing my best to pretend to myself that I am in fact younger (not out of delusion, but as a way to not get stuck in my head being paranoid about aging) AND to believe that somewhere out there is an amazing man my age who is kind, protecting, compatible, attractive, miraculously free and will have his dreams come true when he meets me. I have realized that being "rational" and "realistic" in my current situation is only making me hopeless and seriously depressed, so I choose to dream and believe that life can and will surprise me if I do my part.
Absolutely, dear Evan! Otherwise a situation that is bad in itself is sure to get worse. Of course I don’t manage to feel optimistic every single day, but optimism is where I drive my mindset towards, always.
I find this really depressing. Maybe I’m in denial but I feel like at 51 I still get attention from men. Maybe not as much as 20 years ago, but I still get the car honks, the cat calls, men talking to me in the grocery store or in the street. Maybe it’s the culture where I live? Not sure. My ego has taken a serious blow lately since I had a double mastectomy last fall and reconstruction has not been going well and has been a very slow process. I also gained weight during all this, and I am feeling way less confident in how I look, and my looks have always been something I take pride in, deservedly or not. However, I am still getting some guys’ attention at least. Not sure if it just means they would be dtf, or if they would “move mountains” for me as described in the article. I don’t know how I’ll do online because I have not been online since I was 47. I am a physically fit woman, and I like physically fit men. I used to feel relieved to look at my most recent boyfriend because he had nice muscles and was fit and trim and I was really attracted to his body. I always had this feeling like, “thank god I got one who looks good to me.” It was a major sense of relief, but then he turned out to be a total jerk, a liar, and a cheater. It makes me sad to think I’ll have to settle for some saggy old dude who doesn’t work out. I think I might just wait and be single, to tell the truth. I have tried to be with men who I was on the fence about physically, and it was not satisfying to me, regardless of how great a personality and heart he had. I guess I’ll see what happens when i go back online in a few weeks. I just don’t think it should be too much to ask that I find a guy who likes me who also works out and takes care of his body, even in his 50’s and beyond. Sorry about the kind of rambling post, but I have a lot of thoughts about this.
Agreed! Not sure the intention of the article. We get it. As we age, according to the graph, we are less desirable. Ya know… I will be turning 70 in May… 70 wasn’t even on the graph!😂🤦♀️ Thankfully these graphs and statistics don’t affect my beliefs and experiences about my desirability.
Awesome! I love your thoughts on this! Going to adopt these for myself
That’s really depressing - well most of us know that already. So I guess men have all the power to choose from the tender age of 35 upwards… and if you are online dating (which I was) all the 50 something and 60 something guys are hitting on 40 something old gals. Well there are always exceptions… coz women do look after themselves a lot more than men so dating pool might not be totally hopeless.
I think that the demographic tragedy women end up having to deal with as they age has less to do with looks than it may appear. When I was in my 20s, I was either saying no to men who were good and interested but terribly immature and clumsy or wasting years on two men who were so wrong and bad for me I feel traumatized and shamed just remembering them. In my 30s I met an amazing man with whom I had a long and outstanding relationship. But he is much older than me. His life moment, health issues and wish to not have children all became a problem. I’m having the hardest time letting go of him, because as much as I want a man my age (or 5/7 years older maximum), I often doubt whether I will ever be that safe, heard and understood again - especially by someone younger, from a generation that doesn’t seem to be as keen on the idea of really taking care of a woman.
Today, at age 40, I feel and see that the moment you turn 35 to 38 years old, the men your age who are marriage and family-oriented are practically all taken. Either you find your person and get married by that phase, or you’re basically f****d. Divorced men and widowers only show up in relevant numbers after 50/55/60 - and bring other, specific problems.
So, to sum it up… I feel and look younger. I feel desirable. I am fit. I am energetic. Nothing in my body hurts. But I am in demographic hell - and while that certainly sucks a lot less than feeling invisible, it still sucks big time. I’m doing my best to pretend to myself that I am in fact younger (not out of delusion, but as a way to not get stuck in my head being paranoid about aging) AND to believe that somewhere out there is an amazing man my age who is kind, protecting, compatible, attractive, miraculously free and will have his dreams come true when he meets me. I have realized that being "rational" and "realistic" in my current situation is only making me hopeless and seriously depressed, so I choose to dream and believe that life can and will surprise me if I do my part.
I like your take, Lu. Optimism is the only answer.
Absolutely, dear Evan! Otherwise a situation that is bad in itself is sure to get worse. Of course I don’t manage to feel optimistic every single day, but optimism is where I drive my mindset towards, always.