And another POV here - coming from a Corporate America perspective. Pretty much every "job" or "task" in life involves selling something. At work each day, you're constantly selling yourself to your boss, to clients, to internal constituents etc. On a date, you're selling your warmth, your personality, your charisma (or lack of) to a prospective BF or partner. As any successful salesperson will tell you, selling pretty much anything is hard work. But cancelled calls, no shows, flaky prospects and customers, are ALL a routine part of the Sales process, and if you view yourself as a salesperson, then these activities become your "normal." So Evan, this prospect has flaked on not one, but two of your sales calls now. And unfortunately, she lost a great opportunity to actually meet you in person. And she has now wasted alot of your time. Save your empathy on people you're already engaged with. Yes, I too am a dog mom of 4 special needs pups, and I have had to euthanize several senior pets through the years. But euthanasia is generally planned in advance. Successful, responsible people know how to manage a calendar! And they know how to be polite to those who take the time for them. There is a reason this lady is single. Thank goodness you did not waste more time with her as a flaky paying client.
You have expressed so well my own dilemma with friendship, acquaintanceship, all interpersonal relations in the last 30 years. Ghosting is the new term but the act of giving someone a stiff ignoring has slowly turned me into something very antithetical to my sunny, gregarious nature - I’ve purposely allowed social atrophy. I have been known to write the exasperated words “people are awful” and then felt bad but mostly sorry that they behave so badly nowadays and get a pass.
When life prevents you from honouring a commitment you can ALWAYS manage a brief text to cancel or a call the minute that you know you won’t make it, WITH AN EXPLANATION. I believe this to be the bare minimum everyone owes their fellow human in a civil society.
This is how people used to behave in the before times, when we were growing up without cellphones and our parents had taught us to pop a thank you card in the mail after a dinner party.
I refuse to change because these basic social graces shape our culture and preserve our humanity. Their absence has resulted in the MAGA horrors we can scarcely believe when we see them.
What will you do now Evan, become a ghoster too or continue to be a mensch and continue to suffer the small pain of rejection every time someone is thoughtlessly casual with your feelings and your time?
I respect your work and I’d love some advice in this regard cos I’m just so over people that it makes me cry.
Love this!
Good one, Evan. Especially this line: "Big takeaway: When people disappoint or disappear, it’s rarely about you."
And another POV here - coming from a Corporate America perspective. Pretty much every "job" or "task" in life involves selling something. At work each day, you're constantly selling yourself to your boss, to clients, to internal constituents etc. On a date, you're selling your warmth, your personality, your charisma (or lack of) to a prospective BF or partner. As any successful salesperson will tell you, selling pretty much anything is hard work. But cancelled calls, no shows, flaky prospects and customers, are ALL a routine part of the Sales process, and if you view yourself as a salesperson, then these activities become your "normal." So Evan, this prospect has flaked on not one, but two of your sales calls now. And unfortunately, she lost a great opportunity to actually meet you in person. And she has now wasted alot of your time. Save your empathy on people you're already engaged with. Yes, I too am a dog mom of 4 special needs pups, and I have had to euthanize several senior pets through the years. But euthanasia is generally planned in advance. Successful, responsible people know how to manage a calendar! And they know how to be polite to those who take the time for them. There is a reason this lady is single. Thank goodness you did not waste more time with her as a flaky paying client.
You have expressed so well my own dilemma with friendship, acquaintanceship, all interpersonal relations in the last 30 years. Ghosting is the new term but the act of giving someone a stiff ignoring has slowly turned me into something very antithetical to my sunny, gregarious nature - I’ve purposely allowed social atrophy. I have been known to write the exasperated words “people are awful” and then felt bad but mostly sorry that they behave so badly nowadays and get a pass.
When life prevents you from honouring a commitment you can ALWAYS manage a brief text to cancel or a call the minute that you know you won’t make it, WITH AN EXPLANATION. I believe this to be the bare minimum everyone owes their fellow human in a civil society.
This is how people used to behave in the before times, when we were growing up without cellphones and our parents had taught us to pop a thank you card in the mail after a dinner party.
I refuse to change because these basic social graces shape our culture and preserve our humanity. Their absence has resulted in the MAGA horrors we can scarcely believe when we see them.
What will you do now Evan, become a ghoster too or continue to be a mensch and continue to suffer the small pain of rejection every time someone is thoughtlessly casual with your feelings and your time?
I respect your work and I’d love some advice in this regard cos I’m just so over people that it makes me cry.