Oh Evan - I have to say that post was spot on. I’ve even come up with a new acronym- PDK. Post divorce Ken. These are those older men who have ‘done’ their commitment etc in a long marriage with children and now in their 50s/60s want the Ken package- a long term, long distance, low commitment, casual girlfriend. A cake and eat it situation. But they make out they have more to offer at the start in order to reel you in. How does one get to the truth earlier rather than waste time on these men - who can be very ‘nice’ but are disingenuous about their real intentions? Thank you !
I am 100% using old-school values and courtship to screening men for quality and listening to my feelings of anxiety (and other feelings) when dating men. This is resulting in my exclusion of, basically, them all. Sigh. Last one left me on a dark street post date - late at night - in the rain! To walk to my car alone. Goodbye, we are not aligned. The one before that decided to tell me about his college 3-some on our first date -goodbye. The one before that was an ass when we went on a walk, let a branch hit me in the face and I fell down a hill. He then, without my permission, decided to try to pick me up from behind (grabbing my boobs…😬) while doing so. All of these guys seemed ok on paper and in my initial phone calls with them…they failed utterly when required to meet the reasonable standards of gentleman’s behaviour. I despair that no one is actually teaching men how to treat a woman anymore. What do we do in this environment?
Is it a better strategy to match with every guy who likes my profile and is within a reasonable radius of where I live (60 miles) provided they are single, a non-smoker and have common interests? It is hard to discern personality and values not to mention interpersonal connection through messaging and even video chatting.
This has been my strategy and, I hate saying this, but I generally am not physically attracted to them. If they seem ok, I try a second date hoping that attraction will grow.
Although I haven’t kissed anyone in almost 2 years, I don’t have it in me to pretend and go ahead and kiss someone, hold hands and wait until it feels genuine. Thoughts?
I would definitely sign up for some free coaching with you. I feel like I have been doing everything you’ve said to do for the last two years i’ve been single and I am not getting the results.
I would love to speak with you. I want to start dating again but am afraid of getting heartbroken again and also have time challenges that I'm worried will interfere with my dating life between my job and issues with my son. Still healing from 2 relationships where I got heartbroken. Stating to talk to some new people but have been keeping men showing interest at arms length.
I relate to this article! I'm 50, I've built a fun and happy life. I want someone to share it with but often they end up dulling it instead. I used to think I'd be happiest alone (while I was "stuck" in long term relationships that I forced myself to try to fit into), and so far, that's been true. But deep down, I really do yearn for a deep connection, to find my person.
I've been pretty lucky: finding dates is fairly easy (IRL for the moment, I'll go back on dating apps later), and many are men who want to commit. My problem is that I'm not finding the right one. I deduced it's a problem with ME: my attachment style, my pickiness, being independent for too long (I'm working on myself, solo and with therapists, to address these things).
I am feeling more and more disappointed with each passing potential date/boyfriend, and fear I will never really get what I want (so I shouldn't let myself want it). I feel pressure to find someone before I lose my feminine appeal. A different kind of biological clock! Ugh.
I described online dating with the exact same definition of insanity yesterday. I swear. I feel seen - haha! Stuck and frustrated are my two favorite descriptors of dating. Despite recently having (and recognizing!) some small wins, my experience as a 54 yo living and dating in a small town has been dispiriting at best. I'd love to chat!
I’ll raise my hand! 34, self-employed, been single forever, lived in four countries. “Ready” to settle down… except I have a man now who checks all the boxes and I’m questioning it because I’ll need to make real changes to my lifestyle to make it work.
I am definitely one of those women you were talking about. You’ve even done a video chat with me. I am finally settled in one location where I am is so remote and the men are so backwards. I am doing what you say, but I guess I just have to be patientbecause they’re either too far away too old are their players
Emailed everyone here a link to book a time. First come, first served. Sorry that I only have a limited number of slots.
Oh Evan - I have to say that post was spot on. I’ve even come up with a new acronym- PDK. Post divorce Ken. These are those older men who have ‘done’ their commitment etc in a long marriage with children and now in their 50s/60s want the Ken package- a long term, long distance, low commitment, casual girlfriend. A cake and eat it situation. But they make out they have more to offer at the start in order to reel you in. How does one get to the truth earlier rather than waste time on these men - who can be very ‘nice’ but are disingenuous about their real intentions? Thank you !
I am 100% using old-school values and courtship to screening men for quality and listening to my feelings of anxiety (and other feelings) when dating men. This is resulting in my exclusion of, basically, them all. Sigh. Last one left me on a dark street post date - late at night - in the rain! To walk to my car alone. Goodbye, we are not aligned. The one before that decided to tell me about his college 3-some on our first date -goodbye. The one before that was an ass when we went on a walk, let a branch hit me in the face and I fell down a hill. He then, without my permission, decided to try to pick me up from behind (grabbing my boobs…😬) while doing so. All of these guys seemed ok on paper and in my initial phone calls with them…they failed utterly when required to meet the reasonable standards of gentleman’s behaviour. I despair that no one is actually teaching men how to treat a woman anymore. What do we do in this environment?
Is it a better strategy to match with every guy who likes my profile and is within a reasonable radius of where I live (60 miles) provided they are single, a non-smoker and have common interests? It is hard to discern personality and values not to mention interpersonal connection through messaging and even video chatting.
This has been my strategy and, I hate saying this, but I generally am not physically attracted to them. If they seem ok, I try a second date hoping that attraction will grow.
Although I haven’t kissed anyone in almost 2 years, I don’t have it in me to pretend and go ahead and kiss someone, hold hands and wait until it feels genuine. Thoughts?
I would definitely sign up for some free coaching with you. I feel like I have been doing everything you’ve said to do for the last two years i’ve been single and I am not getting the results.
Would love to talk with you, Evan. What would the next step be? Thanks 🙏❤️
Hi Evan
I would love to speak with you. I want to start dating again but am afraid of getting heartbroken again and also have time challenges that I'm worried will interfere with my dating life between my job and issues with my son. Still healing from 2 relationships where I got heartbroken. Stating to talk to some new people but have been keeping men showing interest at arms length.
I relate to this article! I'm 50, I've built a fun and happy life. I want someone to share it with but often they end up dulling it instead. I used to think I'd be happiest alone (while I was "stuck" in long term relationships that I forced myself to try to fit into), and so far, that's been true. But deep down, I really do yearn for a deep connection, to find my person.
I've been pretty lucky: finding dates is fairly easy (IRL for the moment, I'll go back on dating apps later), and many are men who want to commit. My problem is that I'm not finding the right one. I deduced it's a problem with ME: my attachment style, my pickiness, being independent for too long (I'm working on myself, solo and with therapists, to address these things).
I am feeling more and more disappointed with each passing potential date/boyfriend, and fear I will never really get what I want (so I shouldn't let myself want it). I feel pressure to find someone before I lose my feminine appeal. A different kind of biological clock! Ugh.
I described online dating with the exact same definition of insanity yesterday. I swear. I feel seen - haha! Stuck and frustrated are my two favorite descriptors of dating. Despite recently having (and recognizing!) some small wins, my experience as a 54 yo living and dating in a small town has been dispiriting at best. I'd love to chat!
Me ☺️
I’ll raise my hand! 34, self-employed, been single forever, lived in four countries. “Ready” to settle down… except I have a man now who checks all the boxes and I’m questioning it because I’ll need to make real changes to my lifestyle to make it work.
I would LOVE to speak with you - 36 y/o female living in the NYC metro area.
Everything above resonated deeply with me
Yep! That’s me in a nutshell - feeling frustrated but don’t know where to even start to overhaul my strategy
I am definitely one of those women you were talking about. You’ve even done a video chat with me. I am finally settled in one location where I am is so remote and the men are so backwards. I am doing what you say, but I guess I just have to be patientbecause they’re either too far away too old are their players