Thanks Evan for this thought provoking piece. I too WAS a natural born machete who luckily married a butter knife and I am a happier, and MUCH BETTER person for it. Bravo for always being the voice of common sense, reason, and compassion.
I am a butter knife Evan ❤️I know that sometimes I have been quite the doormat. But at the end of the day, most people get rather sweet on me. It has made for a good life. I do believe it what we have learned here in Love U... to but my needs in a higher priority, to lean back and not be too eager. I am finally learning to let a man take care of me. But generally, I have not been a machete.
I was a machete with loving, well-meaning parents who told me to 'be more like that girl'. I don't hold it against them. I don't want to kick them in the shins. Overall, they were truly great parents.
The answer wasn't to lean into my machete-ness. And the answer wasn't to become a butter knife (because it's impossible to change that much). The answer was to get my head around all my emotions and learn how to manage them better. When I was able to do that, I felt better. And when I felt better, I softened up. And when I softened up, I was more likable. And when I was more likable, I met my husband and now have an easy peasy happy marriage.
I hope the machete in the advice column is able to find the same kind of peace. She's only 24, so I'm sure she will. She has plenty of time. (I was still a machete at 34 - LOL.)
She's working with the disowned, shadow side. That's an area many advice columnists and even therapists don't touch: the scary, messy and even evil or tragic elements. She's saying, claim it and then figure out how not to harm others (such as bullying, as you mention) or yourself. She says, "Forgive"more than once, and "I want you to respect and adore the shiny, sharp weaponry of •their• personalities the way you do your own."
I agree - and I own the fact that I am not the person to touch the shadow side. I may be a machete (temperamentally opinionated) but I don't have a scary, dark, evil side borne out of a rough childhood. I just think that while acceptance may be half the battle, the other half is about how to better manage your relationships...and this part was barely touched on in the original article. Her column today is extremely similar: https://www.ask-polly.com/p/i-cant-stop-picking-fights-with-my for what it's worth, so it may just be possible that I'm not the audience for this type of advice column.
Wow! This is helpful, I agree with you Evan! But I also think sometimes in work as a "boss babe" it's ok to be a machete but at home to be a butter knife. To know when to modulate and adapt to your audience is the key to maturity. I've learned the hard way. A Swiss Army knife has MANY different types of settings--be a Swiss Army knife not just a plain boring predictable machete!
I like that reframe, Carrie. Yes, we're all multi-faceted and can rely on different strengths in different circumstances. I do love the idea, however, that I can be myself in EVERY circumstance - and that I don't have to blunt my personality anywhere. In fact, that's been my entire goal in life - to be myself - with my readers, my clients, my wife, kids, friends, etc. I would think there's a way to be a dull machete or a sharp butter knife that does the trick no matter what the company!
We are all multi-faceted indeed :) I think a Swiss Army knife is still a Swiss Army knife--it's not being inauthentic to its nature, it's just expressing a different facet of its complex nature. Like I can be a conservative and also have intense compassion for the world--liberals don't have a monopoly on compassion! And conservatives don't have a monopoly on order and justice, etc.
Very self-aware and hard to hear. All we can do is adjust our beliefs, actions, and reactions to the world - it may not be much, but it's more powerful than railing against the world and hoping it collectively changes for us.
Thanks Evan for this thought provoking piece. I too WAS a natural born machete who luckily married a butter knife and I am a happier, and MUCH BETTER person for it. Bravo for always being the voice of common sense, reason, and compassion.
Thank you @Arielle. Means a lot coming from you, especially since you’re on a retreat right now!
I am a butter knife Evan ❤️I know that sometimes I have been quite the doormat. But at the end of the day, most people get rather sweet on me. It has made for a good life. I do believe it what we have learned here in Love U... to but my needs in a higher priority, to lean back and not be too eager. I am finally learning to let a man take care of me. But generally, I have not been a machete.
I know.
I totally agree with you, Evan. Great piece!
I was a machete with loving, well-meaning parents who told me to 'be more like that girl'. I don't hold it against them. I don't want to kick them in the shins. Overall, they were truly great parents.
The answer wasn't to lean into my machete-ness. And the answer wasn't to become a butter knife (because it's impossible to change that much). The answer was to get my head around all my emotions and learn how to manage them better. When I was able to do that, I felt better. And when I felt better, I softened up. And when I softened up, I was more likable. And when I was more likable, I met my husband and now have an easy peasy happy marriage.
I hope the machete in the advice column is able to find the same kind of peace. She's only 24, so I'm sure she will. She has plenty of time. (I was still a machete at 34 - LOL.)
She's working with the disowned, shadow side. That's an area many advice columnists and even therapists don't touch: the scary, messy and even evil or tragic elements. She's saying, claim it and then figure out how not to harm others (such as bullying, as you mention) or yourself. She says, "Forgive"more than once, and "I want you to respect and adore the shiny, sharp weaponry of •their• personalities the way you do your own."
I agree - and I own the fact that I am not the person to touch the shadow side. I may be a machete (temperamentally opinionated) but I don't have a scary, dark, evil side borne out of a rough childhood. I just think that while acceptance may be half the battle, the other half is about how to better manage your relationships...and this part was barely touched on in the original article. Her column today is extremely similar: https://www.ask-polly.com/p/i-cant-stop-picking-fights-with-my for what it's worth, so it may just be possible that I'm not the audience for this type of advice column.
She wrote a reply without acknowledging my post. It’s a good one, far more measured than the original: https://open.substack.com/pub/askpolly/p/lashing-out-hurts-you-the-most?r=5xgs2&utm_medium=ios&utm_campaign=post
Wow! This is helpful, I agree with you Evan! But I also think sometimes in work as a "boss babe" it's ok to be a machete but at home to be a butter knife. To know when to modulate and adapt to your audience is the key to maturity. I've learned the hard way. A Swiss Army knife has MANY different types of settings--be a Swiss Army knife not just a plain boring predictable machete!
I like that reframe, Carrie. Yes, we're all multi-faceted and can rely on different strengths in different circumstances. I do love the idea, however, that I can be myself in EVERY circumstance - and that I don't have to blunt my personality anywhere. In fact, that's been my entire goal in life - to be myself - with my readers, my clients, my wife, kids, friends, etc. I would think there's a way to be a dull machete or a sharp butter knife that does the trick no matter what the company!
I also love that you're a conservative who can find many points of agreement with me. :)
We are all multi-faceted indeed :) I think a Swiss Army knife is still a Swiss Army knife--it's not being inauthentic to its nature, it's just expressing a different facet of its complex nature. Like I can be a conservative and also have intense compassion for the world--liberals don't have a monopoly on compassion! And conservatives don't have a monopoly on order and justice, etc.
Now that's a good goal 😆a sharp butter knife!
Very self-aware and hard to hear. All we can do is adjust our beliefs, actions, and reactions to the world - it may not be much, but it's more powerful than railing against the world and hoping it collectively changes for us.